Something I’ve been trying to learn recently is how to accept my own place and pace in life. I mean this in that I have to stop being such a jealous dick. I’m 18. There are 18 year olds in this world that are INCREDIBLY successful, or at the very least on their very merry path. I’m seeing aspiring and actual WORKING comedians younger than me or in the same area, and at film school, there are much more talented folks than me. I’m surrounded by them, and that’s fine.
I’ve got an endlessly idiotic, yet competitive spirit in me, which while I admit is tenacious, is sensitive and desires validation constantly. Hence why I want to be a comedian! Was that funny? I hope it was. Hence why I want to be a comedian.
But yes. My awful tendency is to compare myself and either shame myself for not being that good, or good enough, or what have you. My main goal in life at this point is to be happy with myself and who I am. In turn, that means to be happy with the pace I’m going at. Because it’s fair that I have dreams- that isn’t so intangible, and neither are the dreams their selves. It just requires hard work and a good attitude and spirit. I’ll admit to myself, and tell me how foolish, wrong, and delusional this is, but I can actually do what I want to do. I’m in San Francisco, and the capability to do comedy is basically surrounding me- plenty of open mics for me to work at and on, meet people, and find my voice at for the next few years. And in this day and age, with what I have equipment wise, I can absolutely be working on my own filmmaking, writing, and directing abilities. It just takes time and will.
And time is absolutely on my side. Do you know how often I forget that I’m 18 years old? Or rather, I accept that I’m 18 years old, but act like I should’ve already been a success at this point in my life. Even in the future, I don’t think I have to expect anything but the best that I could do from myself. I always worry about beating or making the curve, but not everyone ever does. And that’s totally okay. Age is whatever. Experience can be gained. Time can be had. It’ll happen so long as you will it through action in one way or another. As well, your story is your story. However the people you and/or I have admired or look up to made it, or found their way? That’s their life. You’ve got yours to live. And that’s what matters.
Delusional, hopeful, foolish, etc. I may in fact be that. I still get fortune cookies, and a part of me truly looks out for what the fortune entails in my life. For 30 minutes after I eat at Panda Express, God exists and all is connected. I’m an easily accessible guy mentally, folks. Hence sensitive nature, I suppose, and hence why I want to be a comedian.
Was it funny that time? I kind of wanted it to be a callback of sorts.
I don’t know. Anyway, I’m staying hopeful. I’m trying to work on this.
I myself am on track for doing at least one stand up set per week. I’m trying to challenge myself this way. There’s a kid who goes that’s, like, 16 years old, and he’s got a tight 6-7 minutes or so. Knowing me, you could understand why I murdered him.
Was THAT funny? Hm. Anyway, it’s all interesting times on my end.
Oh, shit, I think you guys would like this. So I’m officially on track for my school’s screenwriting program, which is exciting, because by graduation, I should be able to pop out 2 feature length scripts, if not more due to my own volition. AS WELL, the television writing portion is getting revamped to work in such a way that you’ll either do hour-long dramas or half-hour comedies.
How fucking PERFECT IS THAT!?
You’ll get to do 2 spec scripts and 2 pilots, and again, more on your own terms (which I will definitely try.)
I’m so excited for this. I’m starting to not regret taking screenwriting as a focus anymore. Also, in terms of wanting to direct in the future, I’m feeling more confident as a director. I’m finding the fun in it. I just need to learn more about the aspects of filmmaking, or learn how to find and work directly with people who understand those aspects better than I do. I’ll be a regular Kevin Smith, making shapes with my hands to describe what lens I want for the next shot. And that’s okay!
Oh what exciting times we’re in, folks. Well I don’t want to keep you. It’s Saturday after all. I’m going to see To The Wonder today, and I’m hoping to have an incredibly emotional experience with that.
I should also catch up with my writing about movies. I’ll do some write-ups about WRONG, The Place Beyond the Pines, Man on the Moon, and fuck it, Jurassic Park if I have time today. Which I do. I’ve got time. A lot of time. And it’s nice.
So yes. You guys are great. I love you people very, very much. I hope you have a splendid day, because you deserve it.